What's making you laugh??

I read that 10 out of 2 people are dyslexic

I know where I'm eating for lunch this Friday

New Subway Promotion to Honor Subtember 11

Quote :

Citing a wide range of deals customers will “never forget,” fast food chain Subway announced an exciting new promotion this week to honor and commemorate Subtember 11. “With a number of terrific discounts on special sandwiches as well as our classic footlongs, you’ll always remember where you were on Subtember 11,” Subway president Fred DeLuca told reporters, referring to Subway’s special promotion in which, for a limited time only, visitors of the restaurant’s tens of thousands of franchise locations will be able to “fly on in” and pick up two footlong subs of their choice for only $9.11. “From the Structural Steel Melt on Tower 7–Grain bread to the Twin Chowers cold cut combo with Ground Zero–Carb vinaigrette on a Let’s Whole Wheat Roll, we’ve got something for everybody this Subtember 11.” DeLuca added that the special promotion will be “first responders, first served.”

If anyone needs me, I'll be standing on the platform edge

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?”

"What...you're coming empty handed?"

Did you know that the US flag that was planted on the moon has been turned white by the sun's radiation?

Great, now future archaeologists are going to think that the French landed there first.

A proctologist is walking down the hall when a nurse stops him and asks, "Doctor, why do you have a rectal thermometer behind your ear?"

The doctor takes the thermometer, looks at it, and says, "Dammit, some asshole has my pen!"

Five years ago on this very night, I found a jar of whale jizz on my doorstep. It was beaten and injured, it needed my help. I nursed it back to health and raised it like my own son. Today it finally graduated from university and I was just so proud. It looked at me and said "Thank you, for everything." I looked back at it with a single tear rolling down my cheek "You're whale cum"

Yo momma is so fat she jumped in a pool then NASA found water on Mars