What's making you laugh??

In the dreamtime, before the land was made, there was one flock of eagles in the sky.
The eagles were noble creatures, and proud, for they rules over many of the animals. But they were also kind, caring, giving rulers.
However, for a time, as there often is, the animals became uneven. Too many animals ate the flesh of others, making all those that ate flesh fight for it, and all those that were eaten flee and die. Some that ate meat must, for the sake of the entire kingdom, change their diet. The eagles took this duty upon themselves.
And so, the flock of eagles became farmers, and gatherers, not hunters. For two generations, they tilled fields and gathered berries. But there were dissenters.
In this flock, the title of chief had been passed down father to son since time immemorial. In the second generation of vegetarianism, the chief was named FlightMaster. His son, FarBeak was one of the leaders of the dissenting group. He argued with his father.
"Father, we are a proud and noble species, yet we are diminishing. The eagles were greater than this. We were born, long ago, to eat flesh, and you command, and your father commanded that we do not. This is wrong.
"For we are hunters. We rule many animals. If we had said to any of them, 'You must eat no flesh', they would have obeyed, and all would have been well. Yet you would have us eat no flesh instead. This is wrong."
FlightMaster pondered this, but he did not ponder long. He knew the reasons his father had told him, and he agreed. The eagles must eat no flesh. He turned from his son.
FarBeak, seeing that his father would not listen to him, turned and left. He gathered the group of dissenters and they left the flock. Then there were two flocks of eagles in the sky. One was ruled by FlightMaster, the vegetarian flock, rulers of many animals. The other was ruled by FarBeak, hunters and flesh-eaters, ruled by none, ruling none.
And thus it continued.
But for the flesh-eating habits of the second flock of eagles, the trouble of the animals began again, and another animal needed to cease their flesh-eating habits. This is why kangaroos, although formidable, eat no flesh to this day.
However, FarBeak had seen the trouble that his flock had caused and he was penitent. He met with the second leader of the dissenters, FeatherClaw, and proposed that they return to their former flock, join their forces together once more, and return to vegetarianism. FeatherClaw flew into a rage and attacked FarBeak, who escaped wounded in the wing. However, he was determined to return to his father's flock, and regain his vegetarianism, and so he walked, being unable to fly. His legs grew strong, thick, and tough, and his wings became small from disuse. From him came the line of cassowaries, who eat only fruit to this day.
After much time, he came to his fathers flock, and was seen into the presence of his father. He bowed, as much as he was able, to the old chief, who was by now much smaller than he.
"I am sorry, father, for the damage I have done. I come alone, to return to vegetarianism, and do what is right."
FlightMaster moved toward him, and embraced him. "All is well, son. We have changed. You and I were both right - the eagles had been diminished by not eating flesh. When the time came, we ordered the kangaroos to eat no flesh and they assented, as you said they would. And so the eagles have begun to partially eat flesh again, but without killing. We eat only what is dead by circumstance, as this allows the prey creatures to live in less fear."
This flock became strong and vast, and eventually split in two - one flock went East, to the sea, and became seagulls, one remained where they were, and became pigeons. Both flocks eat what they can, and pigeons still aid in the sowing of plants, by the seeds in their droppings.
FarBeak's eyes softened as he looked at his father. "Then all is well. Tell me, father, I have had very little to eat - will there be a dinner I can partake in?"
FlightMaster stepped back, and indicated with his wing the fields behind him, and a storehouse of flesh. "Carrion, my wayward son. There'll be peas when you are done."

You can tell a woman that she's beautiful a hundred times and she won't believe you.

But call her fat once and she'll remember it for the rest of her life, because an elephant never forgets.

My dentist reminded me of my wife's sensitive gag reflex. We laughed and laughed.

Then I remembered that my wife and I have different dentists.

JonM229 wrote:

My dentist reminded me of my wife's sensitive gag reflex.  We laughed and laughed.

Then I remembered that my wife and I have different dentists.

she loves his omelettes

there's a Pussy Riot and nobody told me!

It's not nice to pick on the obese. They have enough on their plate.